On Hold

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All this talk of the beauty of life, and my world has come to a grinding halt. I got the worst phone call of my life on Thursday evening, informing me that my father died.
I was very close to him and I feel like I am underwater, or in some awful nightmare just waiting to wake up.
He moved to California a little over a month ago and before that lived with me and my husband for two and a half years.
They think it was a drug overdose, but we won’t know for sure until they get the autopsy results. I fly out there tomorrow morning to get him, but I am in shock.
I feel broken, or in pain but I don’t know exactly where it hurts. I have no words for something like this and all I can do is cry and try to keep moving and shower, eat, but even those things seem so hard now.

He was 49 years old and I was not done with him. You never feel so small as when something like this happens and you realize it could end in an instant.

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