On Hold

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All this talk of the beauty of life, and my world has come to a grinding halt. I got the worst phone call of my life on Thursday evening, informing me that my father died.
I was very close to him and I feel like I am underwater, or in some awful nightmare just waiting to wake up.
He moved to California a little over a month ago and before that lived with me and my husband for two and a half years.
They think it was a drug overdose, but we won’t know for sure until they get the autopsy results. I fly out there tomorrow morning to get him, but I am in shock.
I feel broken, or in pain but I don’t know exactly where it hurts. I have no words for something like this and all I can do is cry and try to keep moving and shower, eat, but even those things seem so hard now.

He was 49 years old and I was not done with him. You never feel so small as when something like this happens and you realize it could end in an instant.

Organ(ic)

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Her heart
dissolved –
a bulb of heat,
stopping to burst
and
the miracle was
their hearts,
so impossible
as if
as he watched,
he felt her
tip
the balance.

I doodled this last night and it made me think of beauty from pain. It’s easy to get pulled down by all the negatives, especially in the winter, but I am constantly reminded of the beauty in life also.
I am striving to notice more, and BE more of that beauty everyday.

Picture Perfect

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Here is something I wrote on a scrap piece of paper I had laying around. It seems that when I need a notebook the most there are none to be found. It was inspired by the words printed along the side.
On a related note, I have a thing for photo booths. Anytime I come across one, at the state fair, in a bar, or anywhere I am compelled to go inside and see how many different personalities I can confine to that little
black and white strip.

Who would you be, alone in a photo booth?

Creation.

If design
of darkness
steered the night
to what
white flower
like a dimpled moth
had kite
wings carried
the morning
there –
a thing
so small
and drenched
in light.

My goal in this new year has been to create. And isn’t it funny that this theme of creation just permeates everything. I’ve fortunately had a real creative flow going on lately and I spill poetry onto everything; restaurant napkins, pages of poetry books I’m reading, the note app in my phone, my own skin. If a word or phrase strikes me in some way I am instantly moved to write, and this brings me intense joy.
Today my joy is in the sunlight craved like water in this nerve-deadening, oppressive winter.

Starting out

Things I would like to accomplish with the help of this blog:

  • Write more poetry
  • increase creative flow
  • focus my thoughts
  • write something every day
  • be more disciplined
  • not be so disciplined
  • original thoughts
  • CREATE

My main goal is to just create. I’m not a very handy person and I like to think I’m crafty but more often than not when I try to make something it never turns out the way I see it in my head. I am wonderful at creating things in my own head but they are almost always lost in translation.

This is where writing comes in. Putting words together, forming literary images is what I do. Here’s to writing and here’s to creating!